I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
