I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
