I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
