Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
