when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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