i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
