I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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