I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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