I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
