Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
