SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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