I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
