What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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