Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
