I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
