it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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