i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
