I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
