If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
