He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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