Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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