Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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