True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
