But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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