I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
