He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
