I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
