sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
