I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
