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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize