I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize