There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
