hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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