Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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