i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
