Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
