so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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