So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
