He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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