planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think i got beer on your cat.
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