In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
