Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
