I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
