battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize