Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
