Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
