You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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