Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
