true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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