I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
