OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
