That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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