They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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