Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
