remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
