so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
