Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
