After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
