am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize