Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
two words: eviction party
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
