at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
