I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
