This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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