I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
