you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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