i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
