If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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