i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
