i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
