Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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