did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
