I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
