i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
